yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
