I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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