I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
