you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
