You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
