She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
