I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
