the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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