i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
