Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
