I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
