Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
