new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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