my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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