we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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