Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
