It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
