Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
