he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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