i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
where are you?
Hypothermia
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
