I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
