Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
