It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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