Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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