Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
