And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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