Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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