You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
