you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
