just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
