We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
