I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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