Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
