just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
