I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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