I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
