I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
