last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
