She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
