Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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