I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
