everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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