nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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