Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
