Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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