He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
