I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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