At least make sure they are 18
Why
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
