You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
