im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
