low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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