dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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