I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
