its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
