Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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