were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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